I, of course, all understand. And the desire of all the ladies, including my beloved, to become even better than they really are. But their maniacal desire to make everyone around me better, probably not available... it all Started as usual after new year holidays. My missus tried to start a new life with the beginning of the year. But it is not so. Taziki with Olivier and grandmother Napoleon helped her ingloriously lose the fight with love for fried potatoes and doughnuts with jam and other Goodies. Therefore, the struggle was temporarily postponed. And now Katya decided that those extra two centimeters at the waist that she had, as I know her, interfere with her this year just to the point of impossibility.
My sweetheart wore the jeans she wore in ninth grade. Barely buttoned, and pouted. On my shy remark, that Katyusha fit in those jeans only in the lying position for the last five years, I got clout. For what?! Completely incomprehensible.
Day the second.
I think Katya's going crazy. Come on, let him lose weight, but why on all the others to mock? My fascination has fed all the good that was in the refrigerator, our cat. Murzik was stunned, swollen, and his paws barely reached the ground. For dinner, the whole family ate something that could be unsalted rice. I say "could", because without a microscope, the contents of the plate was almost invisible. Infection-mother-in-law actively supported Katya.
To work did not walk, but run. Waiting for a lunch break like manna from heaven. Colleagues looked with pity. Someone joked: "don't Your wife feed you?!". Fucking jokers. On the evening father-in-law tried to demand have women a normal dinner. Yep. Katya put a plate of carrot stew in front of daddy. Well, they raised a child. Over his own father is so screwed up!
Day the fourth.
Cat Murzik begged for freedom. Suspect, that not to cats. The poor man had long forgotten about the insidious generosity of the hostess, and now, as a full member of the family, also eats dietary products. Begging to go. It's real meat, not soy.
And mother-in-law all -??? people. Contrived to smuggle into the house past the watchful Kati bag with candy. We must remember that she loves you and somehow, to her (God! Me? Mother-in-law? Candy? That brought...) after this Katcina battle centimeters over. "Katya, why are you fighting with them?"I whisper softly in her ear in the evening. "Inches are so small and you're big..." Barely had time to finish. Nothing,nothing. Let's consider a blow to the ear a light massage.
All tired. Tried to explain. his beloved wife, that a man should eat well, otherwise he will not have the strength for anything. Not help. But it was fun. I watched as my father-in-law, Oh, sorry, dad, a man of outstanding physique, after a hard day ate celery salad, and so believably said: "I'm full!"Yes, it is the actor disappears.
On the seventh Day.
Yay, Friday! After work – beer, beer, beer, with potatoes, with sausages, and no boiled vegetables! From heaven to sinful earth... "Honey, you're coming home. early, today after all the washing machine will bring..." No, well what STE...the wife my favourite. Her technical education anyone would envy, and she pretends that she can not cope with the washing machine. Do women's magazines tell you to pretend to be stupid and helpless? In the same, where advised to lose weight with the whole family? In the evening my mother-in-law was waiting for me at the entrance to the bathroom and silently put a sandwich with bacon in her hand. I almost cried and whispered, "Thanks, mom." Here's the heroic woman. And where she hides it?
All gone. Murzik found in the balcony mother-in-law's stash. At night I heard him growling, tearing the fat with his teeth. I was afraid to approach him to take away. Lay without sleep and was jealous of. In the morning my mother went to a friend with a hungry gleam in her eyes, and my father-in-law called me to the bath. As expected, we did not reach the bathhouse, and settled in the nearest cafe. Home all returned well-fed and complacent, where they found an evil and hungry Katya in a hot dispute with the gun tortures'. Scales fiercely resisted its onslaught, and refused to move the arrow a little to the left.
Day the ninth.
The crisis came. The guests were Katya's girlfriend. With cake and a bottle of Martini. And genuinely was perplexed about proposed it pancakes from zucchini. It turns out I underestimated this sweet, wonderful gossip and ridiculous People. Oh man. Early rejoiced. She made a terrible mistake – said, "darling, you've lost weight." This is terrible. I it has long been noticed that women say it to each other just so, from time to time, just to do something nice. And we are further tormented. Thanks, Luda, encouraged.
Day ten .
There seems to be a storm brewing. Kate got out of the closet those damned jeans. And – jeans zipped up on it easily. This is weird. I could have sworn that not one centimeter of my beloved lost weight (that's the paradox – all lost weight, and Katya – no). Mom and dad look at each other slyly. And then it dawns on me – long live the sewing machine and mother-in-law skillful hands! And quite happy Katia settled in my arms with a plate on which lay a huge piece of cake, and hopefully for a long time left this stupid idea. I love her, but not these notorious centimeters. And "reference" jeans I hid away. Where – saw only Murzik. But he won't give me away.